i've been home now for slightly over 24 hours and it feels like i never left.
my flight to st johns was cancelled yesterday but that was ok because i got on the flight to halifax later that evening meaning i got more time at home (not that i did anything productive) and i had less landings in airplanes... which is good because while i don't mind take off for the most part - and i really don't mind flying... i find landing pretty brutal a lot of the time.

but i made it to toronto - and so did my luggage which apparently was the bigger problem for many. mom and debbie drove me home where we stayed up talking for a bit but went to bet by 12:30.

this morning we got kicked out of the house at 11. kimberley and i headed up to meadowlands to do some last minute shopping. it's kind of crazy being at this shopping centre where there are close to the amount of people who live in goose bay in a 1 block radius and i probably don't know more then 1 or 2 other people.

i was feeling a little 'alone in the big world' but got over it. i then dropped kimberley off at home before heading to grimsby to see jen (and brian and fam). we hung out at her place for a bit then walked to the dutch shop in grimsby. we were going through the line when i noticed my oma and opa in line ahead of us... so i went over and said hi and then we ended up having tea with them. my aunt was also working and we met a nice other couple that oma and opa knew. kind of fun actually - also made me feel like the world was smaller again...

tonight was family games night - we played wahoo and euchre and cranium... twas hilarious. then the girls sat and sang around the piano ridiculously loudly until 1am... dad says we need to practice some songs... but that's alright.

anyways - it's 1:10am ontario time --- 2:10 labrador time... i should head to bed :)

i love that picture i have across the top of my blog. a dirt road surrounded by trees. with a big blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds.

i remember when i took the picture. at the time the road was torture... leading off into the unknown. seemly endless. disappearing over every hill and corner. the road was endless it seemed. i remember feeling like i would never arrive - and even if i were to arrive there was no saying what would be at the end of the road. my mood would flit between excitement about the upcoming adventure and dread that it would never start.

looking at the picture now - the road isn't as scary... i recognize the turns and the twists and the hills. and even when i don't - i know what's at the end of the road.

life is a bit like this right now... travelling full speed ahead on a gravel road up and down hills and around the corners. some days it's like when i took the picture - slightly uncomfortable to be unable to see ahead... other times it's like the road is now - slightly more familiar.

i guess that's a good thing... wouldn't want life to be too boring.

i finished my christmas concerts last night - it's hard to tell where that particular road will twist off. right now i plan on what i can improve next year - but really who knows where i'll be. i guess for now i'll just enjoy the drive.

it is 7:51pm. i am going to bed. i am done with today. i truly do foresee tomorrow being better.

good night

i am tired.

physically, emotionally, perhaps spiritually - although not on the same level i guess.

it's very difficult getting ready for these christmas concerts this year.

perhaps it's because there is no snow and it just doesn't feel like christmas here yet.

perhaps it's just because i'm fighting off the flu with every fibre of my being.

i'm trying to take care of myself - going to bed earlier (or trying to) - hanging out with my friends - keeping up with my arts and crafts ;P

after missing out on advent last year - i made a point of finding a church that does advent. i've been going up to base chapel... charlotte 'pimped me out' and now i'm playing piano there too... which is nice.

in a week i'll be ok - huge weight lifted off the shoulders... until then - full speed ahead :)

Goose Bay: where the speed limits are already slow at 40km/hr and people feel the need to drive 20-30 km/hr...

my oven is fixed. woot!

my oven is broken --- i really wish it wasn't.

that is all.

i spent a chunk of time re-designing this old blog yesterday - some things i really like - some i wish i could still fix (anyone know how to make that picture wider so it goes across the page - or at least so i could centre it?)
i then read through my entire blog from finish to start and enjoyed reading how life resolves itself. months before i even knew about the possibility of kenya i wrote about wanting to go to africa - and i did... crossed it off the old bucket list... there were good days and bad days and highs and lows and i wrote through it all. there were times where i wrote daily and some where it would be months between posting. and that's ok - life goes on. we live through the highs and lows - some we remember - some get pushed away into the abyss of space and memory we don't frequently access. dreams are had and come true - or they dont - but that's ok because new dreams pop up and i'm only 24 - i'd imagine the dreams still floating around have time to come true.
the tag line i've had on msn/facebook forever has been: so let the adventures begin... i don't know when or how to change this because in my experience - adventure is constant and random and unpredictable. it happens in the planned and obvious ways of jumping on a plane and exploring a new city or country.... but adventure also pops up in the mundane and the ordinary. it's in the random people you meet and the relationships you have, and just by walking down the street.
over the past week i've met some super cool people. i've met the playright who just won the governer generals award, the flute player from the titanic soundtrack, the male artist of the year in newfoundland, clowns, artists, actors... i got to hear about and see pictures of their adventures around labrador as well as be part of that adventure for them. we talked about serious subjects and not so serious subjects... we created with eachother and enjoyed the creations of each other. the festival this was through is such a cool opportunity for the students of labrador - but also a cool experience for the adults of labrador and the artists involved. it is one of the things that would make leaving here difficult should i decide to leave.
speaking of leaving- the pull for a new adventure is coming. right now i'm trying to decide between new brunswick and nova scotia... i've never been to either - but will eventually apply for a teaching certificate in one of them. not necessarily to move this year - but at least to keep my options open. new brunswick has had a strange pull on me - but lately nova scotia is also looking promising... we shall see i guess...
anyways - this is my rambling for the morning... hope your weekends have been going well.

so i had big plans to post during this crazy week - however my internet died... perhaps this was a good thing as i didn't get to sleep before 1 any day this week. time was spent with the creative arts festival crowd - either watching plays or going to concerts or hanging out at evening soirees... and then trying to teach all day long... craziness.
however life is good - the internet is back. the festival is over. normalcy is beginning to reign. the plan is to spend this week doing a whole lot of nothing and then full steam ahead until christmas starting monday.
hopefully the drunk(?!?) dude that knocked on my door last night at 11:30 and asked me to dance will stay away from now on... else i'll have to go back to never answering the door.... oh well - off to do errands.

one of these days i will begin to post more regularly.
one of these days i will get to sleep at an appropriate time.
one of these days i will realize that it's more important to focus on today then tomorrow.
one of these days i will turn the tv off and find a walking partner who is not scared of the dark.
one of these days is not today... but soon. perhaps.

a month later and it's saturday morning where i have planted myself on my couch super exhausted. tonight is closing night of the country tribute that i've been a part of since the middle of september... it's been great meeting new people and spending time singing with a band and just having fun. we've done 2 shows already and both have gone well... i'm singing Goodbye Earl and last night was nice because i didn't shake my way through it. I left school yesterday to paulette asking if i'm as tired as i look --- i think i must be... i've really got nothing to say today but that's ok :)

i've been back in goose bay for 2 weeks now... had a week of work... and basically feel like i've fallen right back into things. summer seems like something that happened a long time ago already - kind of like it was just a time out from real life... and i'm ok with that - it's nice to have the opportunity to take breaks from real life and just be without the stress of meeting deadlines and making sure everyone is ready for concerts and tests and what not.
tried a new church this morning - went up to the base chapel... really enjoyed the service for it's message and the fellowship after, but i'm not sure the singing aspect is gonna get me through. i did get to meet some really cool people including the wing commander at the base which i guess is a pretty big deal :P
today i need to continue with my efforts to get my house all sparkly clean --- so far the kitchen / dining room / living room / and bathroom are complete and it's just a matter of cleaning up my bedroom and then someday the back room... i also need to hem my curtains today so that i can turn the heat on in my house as it's pretty cold in goose bay these days.
anyways - i'm off to go find season 3 of friends at nick's house so i can watch / listen while i clean...
tata

i am leaving in 7.5 hours to go to Toronto Airport and get on a plane heading to Greece... i'm pretty excited about this even though i'm not finished packing and at this rate feel i never will be... but really i should be done within the next hour.
i will be gone until august 1st and may update this little blog along the way or may not... i guess only time will tell.
have a good july people!

dear internet --- i am getting bored of you... good thing it's nice outside again...
in other news - i only have 2 weeks left of school :) hurrah!!!

i think that living in southern ontario you start to take for granted everything that's available to you. whatever you want whenever you wanted it - something was always open. if you want groceries and it's 2am - no problem, 24 hour groceries stores are everywhere... want broccoli at 2am - you'll be able to find it 99% of the time.
even nature seems that much more available. with the exception of major bugs and/or flooding trails seem to be open and plans are able to pull through...
labrador isn't like that... here you go to the grocery store (if you make it before it closes) and cross your fingers that most of the produce you want is good - or that the trucks made it in and there are food on the shelves... and from there you adapt --- if somethings missing you go without it for a week - and that has become the norm for me...
nature also has it's added fun... today after school mike and i were going to do survivor 2; a geocaching adventure... however once we had arrived at our first coordinates (by 4 wheeler of course) there was a moose and 2 calves blocking our way... since we didn't want to get charged by her... we just went for a ride instead... living here is really emphasizing the need to adapt and change plans --- and that is done easily around here... people just see what they have to work with and move on...
kinda like it.


also - i'm leaving in a month exactly... by this time july 2 i will be most of the way to lab city (hopefully!!!) i haven`t decided how i feel about all that yet...

yesterday.
yesterday was may 13th, 2010.
most would consider this date mid spring... here in labrador we consider it snow day #1 for the year. i guess it's really just here that had their first..
apparently we skipped winter this year...
sure there's snow on the ground right now --- but i kind of prefer it that way... everything is much prettier.
so while at home in ontario the snow would be long gone by now and winter coats and hats a thing in the past... i'm not really too upset about this yet... maybe in a couple weeks i will be...
in other news - there's only 6 weeks left of teaching
and in 7 or 8 i'll be leaving for Europe... seems a little unreal... i should prolly do some planning.
lates gates...

today in the staff room we discussed why i will be here for the next 30 years....

top 2:

last night i got a ride home on the back of my friend's atv... you can't do that in the city --- and i think it's a fantastic way to get around....

and

saturday i went shopping - not for clothes, but for moose hyde and bunny fur

just sayin --- labrador is growing on me...

things are back to normal again here in goose bay. i think i lived last week in a haze just trying to recover from the trip --- couple nights of going to bed at 8:30 even which is fairly ridiculous for me. just got back from a really good church service --- i was playing piano / singing harmonies and it was thoroughly fun... am playing for a women's retreat this weekend (i think i'm on all day saturday) so hopefully that is just as fun.... anyways, church was followed up by a game of settlers with mike and jeff --- we haven't played in FOREVER (over a month at least) -- so it was a good time getting back into the catan relationship we have going there -- the game does not bring out the best in us all the time... but i think that's what makes it so fun. it was also the first time in 2+ weeks that the 3 of us hung out... so that was kind of nice... maybe next time other mike wont be working and the 4 of us can get back into the game.
mike asked me tonight on the ride home what i thought of goose bay... and i realized that most of the time it really feels like home now. i have a place in the town and people are good at making you feel appreciated for the things that you do - whether that be playing piano / singing in church to teaching choir (particularly concert/performance related outcomes people notice). so although i miss the london crowd and the fam sometimes --- the goose bay family is a really good substitute.
that being said - i can't wait for the european adventure this summer.... super pumped!!! all ash clouds better be disappaited by then!

Day 2 of the easter adventure and i'm on hour 8.5 of sitting on the bond and we have another 5-7 hours left...

we left goose bay yesterday at 7:20am meeting up with matt and megan (aka silver fox) at tim's and then the road... we spent the next 8 hours on an extremely muddy dirt road with the occasional patch of hard dirt that was relatively pleasant to drive on. We saw some crazy drifting snow and whatever else and passed the time napping (me and megan / not jeff and matt who were driving), coming up with crazy millionaire ideas over walkie-talkies (again - me and megan ---- the boys lost their privileges quickly) and talking and singing along to some music. at 4ish we hit red bay and PAVEMENT - hurrah!!!! then we ate some bologna sandwiches before continuing down to forteau and l'anse au claire where we were staying last night.

we hung out with jeff's dad's sisterinlaws sister (or something like that) and were up again this morning at 5am to be in line for the bond at 5:30am

now we've been sitting on here for ever --- we've napped, read, played some cards, wandered around and done a whole lot of nothing...

the current excitement is the cafeteria opening at 5...

the plan is to get into gander tonight really late...

update again eventually

i am pretty sure i have an ear infection. only pretty sure because i refused to go waste my time in the emergency room getting it checked out...

oh well - all the online stuff said it should go away on its own... here's hoping.

last night i had an evening of being truly me. it was one of those nights that nothing special really happened - however whatever did happen was an experience.

for the first time in a while it wasn't about work or church or "miss". just 5 friends hanging out and playing a game of catan.

i'm sure i will fall back into that pit of the blahs that was latched pretty tightly the other day... but for today - and yesterday ---- things are good.

it's 3:50am. i have been in bed since 12. probably not the best time to update this neglected little blog.
i made a realization this week... as much as i am enjoying goose bay my identity here is 99% as "miss visser". there are very few people in this town who even call me ashley let alone try and get to know me as a human being. for all the children and their parents and most of the other teachers they just know me as 'miss'. most details about my life are figments of their imaginations... just details that they have made up. somedays i feel like i am losing ME. most days i realize that is ridiculous and that isn't happening.
this is a long weekend.
last night i went to the bars in town for the first time since moving here. it was actually an amusing time. i was meant to teach highschool - that has nothing to do with the bars... but it was discussed again. if only that were a possibility right now.
today i woke up to no phone or internet signal. it is not abnormal for one of the two to be out - but for both to be down at the same time made me feel exteremely isolated. this is also ridiculous as i could have easily gotten in my car and driven anywhere had i needed to talk to someone. both signals were restored by 3pm and my 'lame life' was able to continue. i did nothing all day but watch gilmore girls --- i didn't even watch the olympics.
which brings me to another point --- as much as i'm obsessed with media of all kind - i feel that we can see too much. the fact that i can watch a real life person fly off a luge track and fling into a pole and die disturbs me a bit.
another friend got engaged this weekend... seems like it is the season...
it is now 4:10 and i will try to fall asleep yet again this restless evening.

i have lots of thoughts rolling around in my head but no energy to express them.

i love labrador.

i guess that will have to do.