last night i had an evening of being truly me. it was one of those nights that nothing special really happened - however whatever did happen was an experience.
for the first time in a while it wasn't about work or church or "miss". just 5 friends hanging out and playing a game of catan.
i'm sure i will fall back into that pit of the blahs that was latched pretty tightly the other day... but for today - and yesterday ---- things are good.
17 February 2010
14 February 2010
it's 3:50am. i have been in bed since 12. probably not the best time to update this neglected little blog.
i made a realization this week... as much as i am enjoying goose bay my identity here is 99% as "miss visser". there are very few people in this town who even call me ashley let alone try and get to know me as a human being. for all the children and their parents and most of the other teachers they just know me as 'miss'. most details about my life are figments of their imaginations... just details that they have made up. somedays i feel like i am losing ME. most days i realize that is ridiculous and that isn't happening.
this is a long weekend.
last night i went to the bars in town for the first time since moving here. it was actually an amusing time. i was meant to teach highschool - that has nothing to do with the bars... but it was discussed again. if only that were a possibility right now.
today i woke up to no phone or internet signal. it is not abnormal for one of the two to be out - but for both to be down at the same time made me feel exteremely isolated. this is also ridiculous as i could have easily gotten in my car and driven anywhere had i needed to talk to someone. both signals were restored by 3pm and my 'lame life' was able to continue. i did nothing all day but watch gilmore girls --- i didn't even watch the olympics.
which brings me to another point --- as much as i'm obsessed with media of all kind - i feel that we can see too much. the fact that i can watch a real life person fly off a luge track and fling into a pole and die disturbs me a bit.
another friend got engaged this weekend... seems like it is the season...
it is now 4:10 and i will try to fall asleep yet again this restless evening.
i made a realization this week... as much as i am enjoying goose bay my identity here is 99% as "miss visser". there are very few people in this town who even call me ashley let alone try and get to know me as a human being. for all the children and their parents and most of the other teachers they just know me as 'miss'. most details about my life are figments of their imaginations... just details that they have made up. somedays i feel like i am losing ME. most days i realize that is ridiculous and that isn't happening.
this is a long weekend.
last night i went to the bars in town for the first time since moving here. it was actually an amusing time. i was meant to teach highschool - that has nothing to do with the bars... but it was discussed again. if only that were a possibility right now.
today i woke up to no phone or internet signal. it is not abnormal for one of the two to be out - but for both to be down at the same time made me feel exteremely isolated. this is also ridiculous as i could have easily gotten in my car and driven anywhere had i needed to talk to someone. both signals were restored by 3pm and my 'lame life' was able to continue. i did nothing all day but watch gilmore girls --- i didn't even watch the olympics.
which brings me to another point --- as much as i'm obsessed with media of all kind - i feel that we can see too much. the fact that i can watch a real life person fly off a luge track and fling into a pole and die disturbs me a bit.
another friend got engaged this weekend... seems like it is the season...
it is now 4:10 and i will try to fall asleep yet again this restless evening.
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