so i've been living here for 4 months now... some things i love / some things i don't.

things I love:
- that everywhere i go i know people
- the opportunities that are available (ie. theatre / other artsy stuff)
- hugs from the kids
- that i can go to the post office and while in the main office picking up a parcel buddy says - oh there's a letter for you in the general delivery pile - hang on for a second without me even asking someone to look...
- how concerned everyone is about your life
- that the airport is 5 min away and therefore you always have a ride
- random candy christmas trees so christmas can "throw up" here too
- christmas lights

things I don't love:
- that everywhere i go i know people
- how concerned everyone is about your life
- that the kids know everything about me and what i do because of items 1 and 2
- that the weather is like southern ontario: gross and slushy

today is remembrance day. in ontario - it is a day where we go about our business and at 11 everyone stops and reflects usually in school assemblies --- i've always thought what we did was good - however, moving to labrador has opened my eyes to what the rest of the country is doing. from what i know - here, bc, and alberta all take the 11th of november off from work and school and have huge local celebrations and remembrance ceremonies. in hv-gb it is particularly prevelant as we have such a huge military history here. in our school ceremony (which we had yesterday) we had members of the colour guard, the base chaplain, and people from the legion. i was told early on that this was one of the biggest assemblies that this school has - and it didn't disappoint. the music part went well - including my loverly brass ensemble who were so nervous - but they pulled off the last post quite well. it was good - remembrance was more deliberate than i'm usual.
today was different. there was a service this morning in the woods on base, and a town wide parade and ceremony at the legion at 11am. i did not go to either. i spent my day working on report cards - not that i got far... at all... but i tried.
tonight was something new. the olympic torch came through hv-gb tonight and since i am part of the community choir i was a participant in the ceremony. pam, nick, and i went together and were quite surprised at the amount of people pouring into the park. it seems like the whole town came out to celebrate together. it was really nice just to sit outside in the FREEZING cold air and complain about our freezing toes while just chilling with everyone from the town and watching the torch run in.
i guess you should check out cbc and see if we were on there... peter (one of the news guys from cbc here - in the play with me - and in the community choir) was there with his camera - so i guess it's a possibilty. we were up on stage twice - once to sing a song that no one i was standing around remembered - fortunately it's super easy and we were singing with over 100 grade 2 and 3 students who really know the song. we later came up when the flame was on the stage to lead everyone in o canada - it was good times.
we decided to leave with the flummies came onstage so that we could beat the rush. i dropped nick off and then pam and i went back - as soon as i came inside i heard loud bangs - so i looked outside to see a huge fireworks show going on over the trees. the view was better than sitting on the deck at home and only the low ones were slightly difficult to see through the trees - but you could still see them.
overall - great day :)

so update: mostly because jen told me i had to...
life has been really busy lately.
emotions have been pretty steady on the 'not super excited about life' but definitely no where near hating it.
due to living alone and working on the opposite end of the school - i can end up going for days without talking to any other adults - beyond the quick pass off of students talk.
that being said - i LOVE my apartment -- especially now that things are all homey like.
hv-gb is an interesting little town but i sort of wish we could pick it up and move it within driving distance to... anywhere really. the people that i'm meeting are really cool and i'm glad i've met them.
saturday nick and i spent the day cooking up a taco chili and chicken and rice casserole so that i'd have food to eat this week. charlotte called in the middle of that so she came over for dinner and then we spent the night playing mario party.... lots of tears, laughter, and pouting had by all.
tomoro is the remembrance day assembly - kind of enjoy that nl gets remembrance day off... so i don't have work on wednesday - just have the good old olympic torch ceremony to look forward to.
another interesting thing about this town is the importance of the arts. there is a new theatre around here and my name / picture has been in the paper twice in conjunction with the theatre and i've only been here for like 3 months.
so in conclusion to this -- life is good.

i have been here for 2 weeks now. it sort of feels like forever. it's a little unreal how far away i actually am from everyone that i know and love... i have taught for 3 days total and am very exhausted. it took a while to get used to management in this age group --- but by today things were much smoother sailing.
todays highlights:
*a grade 5 class that was a lot of fun and very productive... good things will happen with that class.
*flyup --- my school has a house system (think harry potter) so today all the new students [and teachers] got "sorted" i am now a golden eagle which i guess is exciting... we came in first place in the tug of wars today... first overall i guess --- our 4/5s came in 2nd and our 6/7s came in 1st... and the other 1st place team came in last for their other one... therefore we're the best :P
*after school made my way over john and kathleen's where it seems i spend a lot of my time... john fixed my car and we had dinner and then kathleen and i 'shot the shit' for a bit.... or rather until 10 when i realized i should prolly leave :P
*i have soooo much more to say --- but am absolutely exhausted
good night

so yesterday i visited my new school - i got to meet the VP and secretary, see my classroom, and get a feel for the building. the VP then called the woman i am replacing and she then came to the school so we could chat about what she has done in the past however many years. she then invited hannah and i over for dinner and we got to meet her husband who also teaches at the school. today we're going on a hike with them...
it's really great to know at least 1 couple in your new town... just throwing it out there :P

i am sitting in my new temporary apartment in goose bay... stealing internet from who knows who... not really sure... but hey - i have a bed and a roof and a couple of couches - and 3 tvs and my wii... what more does a girl need?

i'm sitting in a motel in baie comeau watching tv - 1/2 way between home and new home. i think i'm excited - but not gonna lie... this is a big adventure.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i am in calgary --- have slept in regina, winnipeg, thunder bay, sault ste marie, and north bay since leaving home.
i have been thoroughly enjoying myself --- i think it's crazy how far i've gone...
desite this --- i'm having difficulty finding peace with things tonight... hopefully tomoro is better :)
later

i am leaving at some point this morning for another epic adventure. this time - rather then explore the nation of ham or shem or the other one --- i am going to drive across my own country.

FACING WEST FROM CALIFORNIA'S SHORES
by: Walt Whitman (1819-1892)
FACING west from California's shores,
Inquiring, tireless, seeking what is yet unfound,
I, a child, very old, over waves, towards the house of maternity, the land of migrations, look afar, Look off the shores of my Western sea, the circle almost circled;
For starting westward from Hindustan, from the vales of Kashmere,
From Asia, from the north, from the God, the sage, and the hero,
From the south, from the flowery peninsulas and the spice islands,
Long having wander'd since, round the earth having wander'd,
Now I face home again, very pleas'd and joyous,
(But where is what I started for so long ago? And why is it yet unfound?)

we read that poem in first year - and tho the poem speaks of california --- the same can be said for bc as well --- we have a need to push as far as we can go...
so to the pacific i will head: through the north, the prairies, and the mountains...
who knows what will happen

today i took a nap on a bench in front of a still frozen lake wearing shorts and a t-shirt...

i love canada.

i'm leaving tomoro...

this is my note from pratik...
sooo... i know we only talk once every many weeks... but i'm kind of going to miss you! in the sense that it will be weird not having your name online on my msn list. but i hope you have a great adventure
it kind of made my day a little - and it made me get a little excited about not being online for a month

i hope you [jen cuz i'm pretty sure you're the only one that reads this] have a great month --- and happy birthday while i'm gone!!!!

in a week i will be on an airplane - heading towards amsterdam...
in a week it wont matter what i have or don't have because it will be too late...
in a week the reality that i'm going to africa will probably have hit me
in a week these piles around me will be packed tightly into a bag or two
in a week it wont matter how many resumes i've mailed off ...
in a week i'll be un-reachable (yay!)
in a week i wont have music to listen to while i write lesson plans...
in a week i'll be ready to sit back for the ride...

today... busy busy busy

wouldn't have it any other way :)

10 more sleeps - sort of freaking out here...

to do:
- update travelling pharmacy: maleron, pepto bismal, lactose pills, benedryl, gravol, tylenol, aloe, first aid supplies
- get money - need USD (created after 2002 of course), and euros
- send off resumes
- finish writing lesson plans
- clean room
- write an essay
- practice piano
- practice guitar
- pack
- get sunscreen and deet products
- find a hat
- cry about the crack on ethyl's windsheild and the hot chocolate stain on her floor
- debate the spelling of ethyl... ethel?
- find wallet back
- get enough sleep so the cold goes away
- organize practice teaching binder
- figure out what to do with england correspondance
- ;asldkfna;sdflansdf;alsdfnas;dflashdf;aei

it's gonna be good :)

i don't like making decisions.
at all
if there are other people around - i tend to shy away from making the decisions;
i don't like being the one to decide plans that involve other people
i don't like choosing the radio station when others are in the car
i don't like choosing what to wear for events when i don't know what other people are wearing...
stuff like that tends to stress me out...
when i'm by myself i can generally decide what to do with my night or my music or my clothing choices... but those are small and can be contained...

lately i feel like life is running me in circles - i think it stems from being interested in too many things. life would be easier if i wanted to one thing and i wanted to do it in one location and that was that... however i'm easily distracted and i don't know what i want...
do i:
do jr in may or spec ed in june?
i don't really want to work in gr 4-6 so doing jr seems silly - but i want to do SOMETHING... spec ed is interesting - but i don't want to get stuck in a spec ed job - and also i would want to take the course in north bay--- which means finding somewhere to live for a month... either way i want to do an "epic road trip" which would be nicer if i did it in may... just cuz i have no plans for may yet and can leave for the entire month (despite having no money...) i'm feeling pushed towards spec ed - but i don't know...
another issue:
do i try to find a job in ontario / quebec / alberta / australia / new zealand / the uk / bc / somewhere else???
if i get a job in multiple places where do i go to?

too much - too many circles... feels like i'm constantly chasing my tail or whatever a more human related metaphor is...

anyways - i'm off to plan some rockin lessons for macbeth

i love reading. i love writing. i love people watching. i love playing piano. i love listening to really good worship music - and by good i mean something i've connected to. i love talking to people i love. i love talking to people that love me. i love talking to random people when i can be my random self. i love listening to people talk about something they are passionate about.

i don't love when people around me are hurting. i don't love feeling so far away. i don't love feeling useless. i don't love feeling my passion dripping away.

but back to the reading...

i think that i've had a nose stuck in a book for my whole growing up years - i will read almost anything: chick lit, christian chick lit, fiction, non-fiction, the classics, trashy romances, poetry, adventure, whatever... if you look at the list running down the side of my blog you will see what i have on my shelf in north bay - oh wait - and that was before christmas and i added a bunch of books to the stack - i will read anything.

i think that i've been watching people forever as well. i think it's a natural part of life. i think that working in an environment where watching people was part of the job really heightened this in all aspects of my life and i quickly forget to look away when people catch me staring... it's a job hazard - not my fault :P

in the past couple of years i've started to read and write in blogs. i love reading peoples' blogs. it's like a combination of my favourite things - i get to read, and i get to watch them. there are blogs that i read as often as they are updated, and others that i find that i read from start to finish and never look at again. i like reading about other peoples' journeys. i feel i can comprehend other situations and i can see how someone dealt with it and i can then modify their reaction to suit my needs. another job hazard is that you are always preparing yourself for the worst to happen. while at work you figure out plans of actions for everything from 'how to get the man that weighs more then everyone working at the time combined, who likes to sit at the bottom of the pool, out if he were to die' to 'how would you evacuate the pool if someone came in with a gun/knife' to 'how to get a vsa victim out of the pool when they're in the middle lane and you don't want to do cpr on the bulkhead'. [strap him to a spine board and use the chair lift for leverage to get him out, preferably lock the gunman in a closet - otherwise first get everyone under the awning and then get them out via the 'secret door', whistle/close airway and pull him under or over the closest rope/have staff or patrons drop the other ropes] unfortunately for me, this also translates into real life. 'what will you do if a guy with a gun comes into your classroom' or whatever. basically what i'm saying here is - i need to feel prepared for things - in order to feel prepared i have to have thought of every possible situation and given thought about what i would do in each of those situations. if you were on the fence as to whether or not i was insane - this is your proof.

a friend and i used to talk about random people in our program all the time [i say "used to" because we're not in the same program anymore so it's much harder :P]. anyways we used to speculate about the holes in their lives that we weren't sure about - and have a really good time doing it. but the point: we would finish this speculation with a laugh and a hope - that people were doing this about us.. tell me if this is weird: in my odd need for belonging - it is my hope that random people talk about me - that they fill in the holes for themselves...

i need the randomness back in my life. i need the purpose back. i need to find peace with where i'm at.
it's coming - and it'll be good.
sorry bout the randomness --- that had to get out.

so a bunch of us went bowling this afternoon... it was a great opportunity to get to know some of the people i will be living with for the month of march.
it was just a good chance to ensure that we're all on the same page, ease issues about packing, and learn a little more about each other...
apparently north bay only has 5 pin bowling... which is too bad - but it's ok, i can suck at 5 pin just as well - actually much better then i do at 10 pin...

anyways - i don't have a lot to say, just felt it was time to update the old blog...

survivor africa : the winter edition

the teams were chosen. (natasha/danielle/ashley = team 6) the purpose made clear - hit up each of the stations and don't get frost bite... try to win at each station - but no one's really counting - so decide for yourself what that means... natasha, danielle and i discovered pretty quickly that they should have taught us how to actually follow a GPS rather than just how to turn the things on.

step 1: team 6 needs to lead lynn to the mine fields -- we fail miserably - 45 min later - we find the small field in the opposite direction --
result: lynn gives us top marks for eventually getting there.

step 2: lynn gives us her GPS system (we now have 2) and we make our way to the "helium stick" station... it was much easier to get to - and although we weren't the first group there - we DID win the challenge --- lower a stick to the ground with each member of the team having 2 fingers with direct contact on the stick --- harder than it sounds.

step 3: task -- build a fire that is sustainable enough to boil a pot of water so you can make hot chocolate. since the fire was in the snow we knew we had to build a base - we then made a pretty little teepee and lit the birch bark --- jeff let us do what we wanted until our fire went out -- then he taught us how to make a fire in the snow (get rid of the teepee... have a base / then birch bark / then small sticks / then add the big stuff later) our fire was made - we boiled our water - and drank our hot chocolate -- ash and all.

step 4: we had to make a shelter - as this was our last station and we were competing against ourselves - we won... mostly cuz we could steal everyone else's materials - and the points don't matter anyways :P but it was fun... we even managed to squish the 3 of us into the shelter for a picture - snowshoes and all...

step 5: hot dogs and campfire stew as a big group... lots of fun - got to know people we're going with --- i have the names down pat at least... well - as much as you can have names down when everyone is in winter gear :)

apparently we really like polar temperatures... preparing for the kenyan heat by playing in the north bay winters... all in good fun :)

some of the people going to kenya with me...

less than 2 months and i'm in kenya! before that can happen i have 3 weeks of teaching in waterdown and a gazillion and a half assignments / resumes / other things to write. it should be fun.
this saturday we are doing survivor africa - in the trails behind the school... we had to sign a waiver - ridiculous...
currently i'm sitting in the library with grant talking about whether a red bull would piss himself off... i say no.
there's not a lot to say right now - my mind is racing with everything i SHOULD be doing - and that pretty much consumes my life at this point.
anyways - time to switch locations - it's kurtc time... crazy man.