i'm not good with decisions.
maybe the fact that this one is so difficult to decide that means i shouldn't leave... but maybe that's more reason to leave

i'm conflicted - and running out of time...

lately i come across this blog and feel as if i have so much to say and no real desire to say it. having a real struggle lately focusing on the moment instead of what's to come... which is frustrating because who knows what is to come. there are so many good things happening right now - the idea of giving it up on the unknown is actually scary. i guess i'll have to follow my usual philosophy of 'if God opens it up - he must want me to go there...' i'm not sure it's biblical... but so far it has brought good things.... i dunno... i guess time will tell...

a real update will come again soon.

i am currently sitting on my bed in the hotel in labrador city. tonight is round 4? 5? of the mokami players country tribute show and we've taken it on the road.... it's been a really fun experience doing the show. our practices are generally fun because now that we know all the songs most of it is just fine tuning things and improving - but we're basically just getting together to "jam" (my fav. word.. ha). it's quite the collection of people in the show ranging in ages from 12-60 and we've all travelled 'across the road' to see if anyone will come and see us here - away from home.
the drive here yesterday was beautiful - best experience yet over the road. it only took us 6.5 hours and the trees were gorgeous with their snow and frost covered branches. the snow and ice on the road also made things better because you couldn't tell where the pavement ended and the dirt road began... for the most part the road was equally good all the way across. now we're praying for a similar experience on the way back on sunday.
i drove with lesley, brandon, and philomena and we had a nice day learning a bit about each other - looking at the scenery, brandon watched some movies, and phil read and did puzzles. i just looked out the window for the entire 6.5 hours (cept for the collective 45 min i slept) and the day still flew by.
i really do love labrador. i'm realizing it more and more. could make for some interesting ideas come decision time later this spring.
oh well --- off to the "mall"

so yesterday i decided that my goal for the week should be: re-instate old lady bed time.

well... it's 11:30.

so in the words of the kids: fail miss... fail.

but this is where the fact that i teach that mistakes are a part of the learning process comes in. mistakes are ok / not a big deal as long as we try.

and sometimes even when we have good intentions and we TRY - it doesn't work.

lately i've been trying to apply some of the stuff i teach to my students to my own life.

for example - if i was making a comment on this situation i would say "you made the choice to not be in bed on time therefore you made the choice to be tired and potentially cranky tomorrow - however, the important part of that is; you made the choice"

so turning that around - while making mistakes are ok as long as i'm trying. sometimes it's my choices that cause me to make more mistakes - like being tired and cranky at work.

last night i actually was sleeping by 11:00/11:30 which is pretty huge for me, and for the first time in a long time i didn't feel the need or want to curl up in a chair and sleep at any point during the day. yesterday my choices created a good today for myself.

perhaps the acknowledgement of a good day due to good choices will get me back on track with my goal.

because hey, there's always tomorrow.

i've been home now for slightly over 24 hours and it feels like i never left.
my flight to st johns was cancelled yesterday but that was ok because i got on the flight to halifax later that evening meaning i got more time at home (not that i did anything productive) and i had less landings in airplanes... which is good because while i don't mind take off for the most part - and i really don't mind flying... i find landing pretty brutal a lot of the time.

but i made it to toronto - and so did my luggage which apparently was the bigger problem for many. mom and debbie drove me home where we stayed up talking for a bit but went to bet by 12:30.

this morning we got kicked out of the house at 11. kimberley and i headed up to meadowlands to do some last minute shopping. it's kind of crazy being at this shopping centre where there are close to the amount of people who live in goose bay in a 1 block radius and i probably don't know more then 1 or 2 other people.

i was feeling a little 'alone in the big world' but got over it. i then dropped kimberley off at home before heading to grimsby to see jen (and brian and fam). we hung out at her place for a bit then walked to the dutch shop in grimsby. we were going through the line when i noticed my oma and opa in line ahead of us... so i went over and said hi and then we ended up having tea with them. my aunt was also working and we met a nice other couple that oma and opa knew. kind of fun actually - also made me feel like the world was smaller again...

tonight was family games night - we played wahoo and euchre and cranium... twas hilarious. then the girls sat and sang around the piano ridiculously loudly until 1am... dad says we need to practice some songs... but that's alright.

anyways - it's 1:10am ontario time --- 2:10 labrador time... i should head to bed :)

i love that picture i have across the top of my blog. a dirt road surrounded by trees. with a big blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds.

i remember when i took the picture. at the time the road was torture... leading off into the unknown. seemly endless. disappearing over every hill and corner. the road was endless it seemed. i remember feeling like i would never arrive - and even if i were to arrive there was no saying what would be at the end of the road. my mood would flit between excitement about the upcoming adventure and dread that it would never start.

looking at the picture now - the road isn't as scary... i recognize the turns and the twists and the hills. and even when i don't - i know what's at the end of the road.

life is a bit like this right now... travelling full speed ahead on a gravel road up and down hills and around the corners. some days it's like when i took the picture - slightly uncomfortable to be unable to see ahead... other times it's like the road is now - slightly more familiar.

i guess that's a good thing... wouldn't want life to be too boring.

i finished my christmas concerts last night - it's hard to tell where that particular road will twist off. right now i plan on what i can improve next year - but really who knows where i'll be. i guess for now i'll just enjoy the drive.

it is 7:51pm. i am going to bed. i am done with today. i truly do foresee tomorrow being better.

good night

i am tired.

physically, emotionally, perhaps spiritually - although not on the same level i guess.

it's very difficult getting ready for these christmas concerts this year.

perhaps it's because there is no snow and it just doesn't feel like christmas here yet.

perhaps it's just because i'm fighting off the flu with every fibre of my being.

i'm trying to take care of myself - going to bed earlier (or trying to) - hanging out with my friends - keeping up with my arts and crafts ;P

after missing out on advent last year - i made a point of finding a church that does advent. i've been going up to base chapel... charlotte 'pimped me out' and now i'm playing piano there too... which is nice.

in a week i'll be ok - huge weight lifted off the shoulders... until then - full speed ahead :)

Goose Bay: where the speed limits are already slow at 40km/hr and people feel the need to drive 20-30 km/hr...

my oven is fixed. woot!